You've got to love those Unitarians -- not only are they promoting a theatrical production of civil liberties hero and Scopes-trial attorney Clarence Darrow's life, but they've asked Grits to help promote the event with a free ticket giveaway!The First Unitarian Universalist Church in Austin on Saturday will host two shows, one day only, of Gary L. Anderson starring in Clarence Darrow: The Search for Justice. The play appears to have received good reviews: “Anderson’s Darrow, is in the same league as Holbrook’s Mark Twain,” wrote the Eureka (CA) Times Standard, which is high praise indeed. Sounds like fun. If you're a fan of Darrow's and can be in Austin Saturday, I'd encourage you to check it out. See here for more information, or go here to purchase tickets for either the matinee or evening show.
Now to the silliness: Two lucky folks can attend the show for free thanks to tickets the UU congregation gave Grits to help promote the show. But what gimmick to use? How to decide who gets the tickets? Grits has never done anything like this before, and I'm not like a radio deejay where I can give them to the seventh caller. I thought about it long and hard (okay, for about twenty minutes this morning with my dogs over coffee), and finally hit upon the perfect promotion: The classic play and movie portraying Darrow's victory in the Scopes monkey trial was called, "Inherit the Wind," so with that recollection the solution to the perfect promotion became obvious:
Fart jokes. I mean, why not? What else are you going to do with "Inherit the Wind"? :-)
So that's how we'll decide the giveaway -- the person who submits the best fart joke will win two tickets to their choice of Saturday's shows. Email your jokes to me at shenson(at)austin.rr.com along with your contact information, and I'll post the winner and selected runners up on Friday. (Be sure to put "Darrow" or "fart joke" in the subject line, tell me how to reach you, and also which show you'd like to attend.)
Even if you don't live near enough Austin to come to the show, leave your fart jokes in the comments, anyway. Why not? And if you do live in Austin try to make it to the play on Saturday win or lose. It sounds like a good time for good cause.
Got one for you, Scott. I believe this was an actual letter to Miss Manners years ago. A woman wrote in saying that she had a problem. A medical condition made her continually expel gas. She asked Miss Manners for advice on handling this in social situations. Miss Manners responded that there wasn't much she could do besides apologize and explain her condition, but proceeded to relate a relevant tale. It seems one days some dignitaries were having a ceremony where they would be presented to the Queen of England. They were going to ride up and meet her on horseback in some ceremonial ritual. As one dignitary rode up on his horse, the horse suddenly emitted a loud expulsion of gas. The dignitary, in front of the queen, apologized, "Oh, I am very sorry, your magesty." The queen replied, "That's quite all right. If you hadn't said anything I would have thought it was your horse."
ReplyDeleteCourtesy of Senor Wences:
ReplyDeleteI'm watching the Food Network the other day and they have this show on called All-American Contests or something like that. I turn it on and it's the "Alpine Dutch Oven Cook-off." I looked around to see if someone was playing a prank on me. Am I the only one who still knows what a Dutch oven is? For the record, it's when you fart under the blanket and then lift it up for an unsuspecting person, thereby releasing the concentrated and collected smell that you'd been storing. Now, they're having a cook-off with it. I'm not sure I'd want to eat any of that food. I don't remember laughing that hard in a long time, especially when they say things like "The judges sidle up to the Dutch oven buffet."
Darrow Contest! Guy goes to the doc complaining of continuous gas, but feeling fortunate that his farts are silent and have no odor. After a week of the doctor's prescription, he returns complaining that his farts now smell horrible. The doctor smiles and says, "great, now we'll work on your hearing."
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