Code Words

The managing editor of the Texarkana Gazette complained last week that recommendations from a $59,000 consultant's study were veiled in "code words" hiding their real meaning behind law enforcement jargon. With apologies to Ambrose Bierce, I think I know how to decipher many of the comments that puzzled him. He writes:

According to the study, there is no consistency in the way policies are developed and implement[ed], internal affairs policy is outdated, some captain’s positions should be restructured or eliminated, the department operates with few performance targets or measures, and interactions between the chief and the command staff were limited to infrequent one-on-one meetings.

Huh?

Huh?

I see a lot of this kind of jargon, so allow me to interpret:

Jargon: "There is no consistency in the way policies are developed and implemented"

Translation: "We operate under a good ol' boy system around here so you better go along to get along, pardner."

Jargon: "internal affairs policy is outdated"

Translation: "No, I'm sorry, missy, there's no form to fill out. You can just tell me your complaint and I'll investigate it later when I have the time."

Jargon: "some captain’s positions should be restructured or eliminated"

Translation: "We've got a bunch of bureaucrats around here sitting on their asses not doing a damn thing.

Jargon: "the department operates with few performance targets or measures"

Translation: "We don't know what we're doing or have any idea whether what we do is helping or not," and finally,

Jargon: "interactions between the chief and the command staff were limited to infrequent one-on-one meetings"

Translation: "Most of the top brass are barely on speaking terms and spend more time infighting than running the department."

I actually thought that section was pretty clear. ;-)