Could Paris Hilton survive Texas probation?

"That's hot," one Texas prosecutor responded to news that Paris Hilton received a 36-month probated sentence for "alcohol-related" reckless driving. "Probation is hot."

Too hot, think prosecutors, for the heiress to successfully complete her probation requirements if she lived in Texas. (Her case was in Los Angeles.)

I'm curious as to readers' opinions on the following question posed at the District Attorneys user forum: Could Paris Hilton, survive her probation sentence under conditions routinely imposed in Texas?

The DAs don't think so.

An East Texas prosecutor said there's "No way she makes it. ... I'm assuming avoiding "injurious and vicious habits" is one of her conditions?" he wrote. "How will she go 36 months w/o a drink"? A colleague from Weatherford agreed, "I'm guessing we'll have a paparazzi picture of her with a drink within 36 hours."

Yet another suggested that prosecutors should have a "running poll here for how long she will make it, assuming the basic Texas cop's that staying out of bars and not drinking are conditions of her probation. Who ever comes closest without going over wins. Robert has speculated 36 hours, I'll go for 7 days."

How long do you think Paris Hilton would last on probation in Texas?

Within these comments' subtext you can see why probation revocations are such a big cause of Texas prison overcrowding - many DAs request and Texas courts routinely grant probation conditions that are a) unreasonable on their face and b) have nothing to do with the crime committed. Drinking is legal. Drinking and driving is not (if you're over the legal limit). If a probationer drinks but does not drive, what's the harm? Why would that be a reasonable probation condition, especially for someone with enough money to hire chauffers 24-7?

Then all of a sudden, someone could have their probation revoked for an activity - in this case drinking alcohol - that's perfectly legal and wouldn't endanger anyone as long as the probationer didn't get behind the wheel.

Still, that observation aside, the prosecutors' comment string suggested several possible additional probation requirements that I think we could all agree on:

1. Defendant shall not star, appear or participate in any film or broadcast program within the genre popularly known as "reality TV."

2. Defendant shall not star, appear or participate in any film or broadcast program. Ever again.

3. Shall not record an album, attempt to record an album, or pretend to be a musician or vocalist, no matter how good your friend Brittany says you sing. She shall use a tiny portion of her vast, seemingly endless inheritance to buy up all remaining copies of her "musical" CD that remain in stores, wheresoever said CD's may be located.

4. She will immediately apologize to the readers of Rolling Stone for the fact that, somehow, inexplicably, her CD got a 3 star rating from an obviously tone deaf reviewer.

If the heiress would consent to those terms, I'd think it'd be worth shortening the probation length to time served. For the good of all.