'A Very Carpenter Christmas'

From the intro to the latest Reasonably Suspicious podcast, apropos of Christmas Eve, please enjoy 'A Very Carpenter Christmas,' a bit of seasonal verse in honor of US v. Carpenter - the case pending before the US Supreme Court which will decide whether the government must secure a search warrant under the Fourth Amendment in order to access personal location tracking data on individuals from their cell-phone service providers:

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the home, 

The smartphones pinged cell towers, ne'er did they roam. 

Their location was fixed there all through the night, 

Could be proven in court with no warrant in sight. 

Then what to my wondering eyes did appear, 

But Chief Justice Roberts like a red-nosed reindeer,

Leading the way for SCOTUS to hone 

A warrant requirement for tracking your phone. 

On Roberts, on Gorsuch, on Sotomayor. 

Tracking us isn't what phones are for. 

On Thomas, on Ginsburg, on Breyer, on Kagan. 

Please give Fourth Amendment fans something to cheer again. 

And clearly explain, before it goes out of sight, 

Why not being tracked by our phones is a right.

Or, here's an audio excerpt from the podcast with your correspondent reading this sure-to-be-a-classic selection:


Merry Christmas, y'all.