Thursday, April 09, 2015

'Treat it like tomatoes' ... an ode for David Simpson

In honor of Longview state Rep. David Simpson and his bill to legalize marijuana for adults, treating it like tomatoes or jalapeƱos ...

Treat it like tomatoes

Treat it like tomatoes
Mr. Simpson said
And all around the capitol
Wags laughed and shook their heads

Stoner jokes filled every room
Wry quips at his expense
And though he took it with aplomb
Some thought he’d lost his sense

But I’m here today to tell you
Simpson’s crazy like a fox
And small minds laugh too quickly
When men think outside the box

‘Cause here’s the disturbing thing
That keeps the jokers up at night:
The troubling deep-down knowledge
That David Simpson’s right

Not about everything, it’s true
Yes, God made marijuana, too
But He also made rattlesnake venom
And nobody wants any of that in ‘em

Still, when you get down to it
Pot is safer than alcohol
And society regulates booze
Without all the hype and vitriol

Without armed crooks controlling the cash
Without using residential housing to stash
Drugs guns and money from robbers who crash
And without the corruption and violence and graft

Without spending millions on jails and courts
For defendants who no one fears
Without funding murderous Mexican thugs
Without so much heartache and so many tears

Texas spends a billion border dollars to pretend to stop cartels
But this bill slashes their revenue
And does more to shut them down than a line
Of troopers and guardsmen could ever do

In Colorado they “tax and regulate”
But conservatives don’t like either one
So this bill gets rid of both and
Lets the free market get it done

If you’re going to legalize
Then make the taxes low
So beer drinkers will switch to pot
And Texas farmers have incentive to grow

For if it’s true (and it is) that pot
Is safer than alcohol
Then whenever a drinker switches to smoke
It’s measurably safer for all

So tell me, friends, who’s the real joke?
Supporters of the status quo, or
The guy who wants to solve the problem
By letting Texans toke?


Anonymous said...

Won't make the charts unless there's a line about pickup trucks.

Anonymous said...

Personally, I think I like Guy Clark's notion of homegrown tomatoes better than David Simpsons!

Anonymous said...

No one quips about how our politicians don't listen to us, until someone does.
Washington DC passed a marijuana law, voted on by the public. The politicians want to take it away, how's that for listening to your constituents.
We all know we need to do something different, but none can figure out how to convey that to our vote pandering reps unless we have millions in our pocket to "buy a voice".
America, gotta love it.

Gritsforbreakfast said...

Guy Clark's a far superior poet to me, 10:15, but I'd bet there are plenty of Texans interested in sampling Simpson's tomatoes, too. ;)

As for pickups, 10:15, you reminded me of the closing lines Steve Goodman wrote for David Alan Coe. You're right, clearly I need to pick up my game.

Debbie Russell said...

STANDING OVATION!!! Well done, Scott :-)

Hope said...

I love it! Thank you!

Anonymous said...

The original movie "Reefer Madness" was propaganda financed by a church group warning parents to tell their children of the dangers of parents are warning their children of the dangers of draconian laws that will ruin their lives... this is much more harmful than the "toke" itself. 79 years later we are still having this debate???

Anonymous said...

Best I've read in a long time! Bravo!!

DEWEY said...

"... I need to pick up my game... "
Great pun !!!!!!!

Robert Langham said...

Think of the lives ruined by a law enforcement reaction to drug abuse. We didn't learn a thing from Prohibition. Thanks goodness for a few sane legislators, though this will take a few sessions to get traction. If it does....insanity can always prevail.

Anonymous said...

So fire up the ‘ole pick-up truck
To meet Mama at the train
But don’t let your toke influence your vote
When those laughing now run again

John Delaney said...

After sitting through the moving testimony last Wednesday night from people who either KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE that marijuana products help relieve pain or other conditions for them or their children, or want the freedom to experiment, it's hard not to be persuaded that we need legalization for medical purposes, and NOW . . . not two more years from now.

So Rep. Simpson's H.B. 2165 has its supporters. And he's to be applauded for having the courage to at least start the conversation about "total decimininalization." But just consider . . . we've had about 100 years of prohibition. To stop it on a dime, rather than gradually, could have consequences we don't want. For example, with total decrimininalization, overnight Texas would be the only state where ANYONE could grow, transport, store, and sell any quantity of mj in any form, in any strength, at any time of day, in any place.

Just consider the prospect of criminal gangs, who grow in Mexico (illegally), stampeding to Texas to buy or lease land to grow mj. What if the landowner didn't want to sell or lease to them? Would there be threats or violence to coerce the landowner?

What about violence between rival gangs who would inevitably for the best land, distribution networks, retail spaces?

Of course we could eventually come to that with the current prohibition regime, but I picture it happening a lot faster with total unregulated decrim.

Total decrim would be like taking a car (mj prohibition) going 70 mph and reducing its speed to 0 mph instantly. Better to move in to this gradually, with regulation as necessary.

Freedom and liberty are noble concepts, but they have reasonable limitations.

Anonymous said...

I say legalize weed and get down harder on the meth.crack, and all other Drugs!!

Anonymous said...

Leave it up to a ex judge to think "Freedom and liberty are noble concepts. but they have reasonable limitations."

Gotta make sure those silly concepts of freedom and liberty don't get in the way of making the state money.

Someone get this man a robe.

Anonymous said...

Love the verse, Scott!

Texlaw57 said...

Love it. Retired from the court and not running for office, but I do know how to vote