'Treat it like tomatoes' ... an ode for David Simpson

In honor of Longview state Rep. David Simpson and his bill to legalize marijuana for adults, treating it like tomatoes or jalapeños ...

Treat it like tomatoes

Treat it like tomatoes
Mr. Simpson said
And all around the capitol
Wags laughed and shook their heads

Stoner jokes filled every room
Wry quips at his expense
And though he took it with aplomb
Some thought he’d lost his sense

But I’m here today to tell you
Simpson’s crazy like a fox
And small minds laugh too quickly
When men think outside the box

‘Cause here’s the disturbing thing
That keeps the jokers up at night:
The troubling deep-down knowledge
That David Simpson’s right

Not about everything, it’s true
Yes, God made marijuana, too
But He also made rattlesnake venom
And nobody wants any of that in ‘em

Still, when you get down to it
Pot is safer than alcohol
And society regulates booze
Without all the hype and vitriol

Without armed crooks controlling the cash
Without using residential housing to stash
Drugs guns and money from robbers who crash
And without the corruption and violence and graft

Without spending millions on jails and courts
For defendants who no one fears
Without funding murderous Mexican thugs
Without so much heartache and so many tears

Texas spends a billion border dollars to pretend to stop cartels
But this bill slashes their revenue
And does more to shut them down than a line
Of troopers and guardsmen could ever do

In Colorado they “tax and regulate”
But conservatives don’t like either one
So this bill gets rid of both and
Lets the free market get it done

If you’re going to legalize
Then make the taxes low
So beer drinkers will switch to pot
And Texas farmers have incentive to grow

For if it’s true (and it is) that pot
Is safer than alcohol
Then whenever a drinker switches to smoke
It’s measurably safer for all

So tell me, friends, who’s the real joke?
Supporters of the status quo, or
The guy who wants to solve the problem
By letting Texans toke?