Sunday, January 20, 2008

Chuck Rosenthal Haiku Contest

As the media snowball continues to roll forward regarding Harris DA Chuck Rosenthal's indiscretions, part of me wants to cover the blow by blow, but Kuff is doing a great job at that. So let's for once take a somewhat lighter approach.

Why don't we hold a Haiku contest (that's a Japanese poem with a 5-7-5 syllabic structure)? Here are a couple I came up with this morning:
Chuck Rosenthal can't
blame anyone but himself
for losing his job.
The DA's mistress
gets a cushy job
and a county car.
I'll choose the best ones and highlight one per week in Grits' sidebar.

Give it a shot - it's a fun little diversion. Leave your submission in the comments, via email, or post it on your own blog and send me a link.


Anonymous said...

Any man who thinks
His job puts him above crime
Should live by his thoughts.

Anonymous said...

There once was a DA named Chuck
Who finally ran out of luck
When his emails disclosed
Racist views he did hold
And his secretary he f**ked.

Anonymous said...

Chucky, Chucky, Chuck
You have mucky, muckied up

Anonymous said...

I can't put this in haiku 5/7/5 form but maybe someone else can. Here it is in lower caps, like chuck's self esteem...low, low, low

i've known chuckie for some 27 years

i always put off his bad attitude towards police, defense attorneys, crime victims and even other prosecutors to arrogance

but after reading his lovelorn emails, i now know it was insecurity and not arrogance

as mike deguerin once said, if you're riding with chuck in an elevator and having a conversation, you're talking to yourself.

the citizens were paying you, chuck, to fight crime, not to have you spreading your sad pathetic personal life all over the emails.

have you ever heard of tampering with evidence or interefering in a federal investigation

Anonymous said...

Blood flows south from brain
Organ sounds humectant note
Dark bile rules supreme

Anonymous said...

There once was a da named chuck
most people thought he sucked
he ran out of luck
with his emails amuck
and then he refused all comment and refused to resign

In case no one has figured it out, the reason chuck hasn't resigned has nothing to do with pride, or not being run off, but that Harris County is {for now} paying the bills for his private lawyers in Federal Court. If indicted for obstructing at the Federal level, Chuck will seek to have Harris County pay for his criminal lawyer bills as well.

Who do you think Chuck will hire if indicted?

Anonymous said...

Me! Me! Hire Me! Put me in, Coach!

Anonymous said...

I'll take a stab 9:59:

Arrogance never
Substitutes for confidence
Nor competence, sir.

Ride with Chuck on a
Lonely elevator ride
To ignominy.

Let me kiss your ear,
Chuck wrote, you know fighting crime
Always turns me on.

:) Great post, great idea - Nobody deserves it more! Keep 'em coming, folks!

Anonymous said...

Predators he gave
deferred adjudication
None now Rosenthal

Anonymous said...

Years of hidden pleas
Then a few sordid emails
Now they want sunlight?

Anonymous said...

We are all guilty
for electing hypocrites
to public office.

Chuck is a bigger
hypocrite than George W. Bush
and Rick Perry combined.

Anonymous said...

OK, I'll give it a try. I posted my entry over at my blog, titled Ode to Chuckie.

Anonymous said...

Ready to pound them
Wherever he found them
Men black and brown
For Chuck, white was fine too
The longer the better
Now or never

Anonymous said...

At his own office
Chucky can find the restrooms
But can't be trusted.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Rosenthal
Your racist emails bring shame
To the dream of King

Anonymous said...

Chuck, you should resign
Oh your e-mails we did find
You racist bastard

Gritsforbreakfast said...

Via email:

Chuck Rosenthal acts
Like the scandal's no big deal
How the mighty fall!

A new DA's what
Houston needs because the old
DA's grave misdeeds

Anonymous said...

long time assistant
supreme court justice
he screws then screws us

Anonymous said...

Houston politics
has always smelled like a fish
old, and yet the same.

Anonymous said...

Honestly, people, HAIKUS only!!!

5 syllables
7 syllables
5 syllables

If you don't know what a syllable is, then you shouldn't be commenting; in fact, you shouldn't be at a keyboard at all.

At least the limerick guy knew what he was doing (although he's also a syllable short in line 5). That's the funniest one so far!

The Poem Police

Gritsforbreakfast said...

Okay, anyone posting as "The Poem Police" need to write us one!

Anonymous said...

Bravo Grits! Let's hear one from The Poem Police!

Anonymous said...

Stuck with Chuck
As Bexar is with Bill
It just Sucks

Anonymous said...

Ear kissing does not
violate standard office
decorum, Chuck says

Kelly Siegler is
just another grandstanding
Chuck Rosenthal clone

Anonymous said...

Why do you think there have been no posts or other mention about this entire scandal on the tdcaa website forum? Surely a matter such as all that envelopes chucky and crew right now is a topic worthy of discussion for the da's?

Racism, sexism, discriminatory jury selection practices, campaigning on county time...wonder why Shannon and co at the da forum are not tackling these issues head first?

Maybe it's because the tdcaa is a little too involved with chucky and his emails. There are emails from chuck et al to the tdcaa powers that be (Shannon Edmonds, Rob Kepple) disussing such relevant prosecutorial matters as:

1. that chuck should show up at Sen John Whitmire's fundraiser last fall with a camera and take pics of everyone in attendance

2. about how chuck despises Ronnie Earle and was upset that the tdcaa was behind some effort to foster support for Earle and his political prosecutions.

Was tdcaa engaging in political actions? Is this what they are supposed to do? Most importantly, in the emails released between former DA Holmes and Chucky, Holmes makes reference to "the brasos river rouge" (error in original). Is this the DA of brazos county who is now the president of the tdcaa who Holmes is disparaging? Who is the Brazos River Rouge? Or did Holmes mean Rogue?

In the released emails, Holmes says he threatened to quit the tdcaa if they backed earle. It is implied that the backing earle sought was regarding the Delay case.

It's nice to know the powers that be in the TDCAA are so chummy with chuck, the leader of the one office who is singlehandedly destroying the reputation of prosecutors throughout the country, particularly those who prosecute death penalty cases.

So what is the deal with the tdcaa? Why are they so chummy with chuck, who was their prosecutor of the year in 2007? Why are they discussing political matters as a part of their job? Aren't they funded by the CCA? Aren't they supposed to be a support organization for the line prosecutors in the state, instead of being a political lackey for one da who is arguably the worst Texas DA EVER and who certainly has his own issues with email destruction.

How about a discussion of why it is bad to assassinate the character of the members of the largest church in america during voir dire? How about a discussion of why secret code words for blacks are bad?

Final question: If a defense attorney in Harris County destroyed personal emails that chuck's office had somehow subpoenaed into court or to a grand jury, would the DA's office have tried to charge that defense attorney with Tampering with Evidence?

You bet. Why should chuck be dealt with any different?

Thanks chuck. You've set back prosecution at least 50 years in the State of Texas. Go give your assistant another raise, before she smartens up and sues you for ruining her life.

Anonymous said...

Chuck will go to Court
Things may not go so well dude
lots of luck, up Chuck.

Carnage is growing
I wonder, is it over?
More to come I think.

Anonymous said...

What a great fun idea, Scott!

Mister Rosenthal,
we are all so enjoying
your publicized fall!

Anonymous said...

Just more proof that God gave some men only enough blood to supply one head. Too bad Chucky Boy chose the lower of the two.

The Abolishment Movement said...

Chucky bought a Dell
It put him in the dog house
But I'll never tell!

Anonymous said...

What will he do next?
Emails? Kissing? Affairs? Texts?
Chucky's worst is next.


Anonymous said...

Holmes passed him the throne
Mustache to mustache we groaned
Next time Chuck, use phones.

Evan Smith said...

Chuck’s awful career
gets a lethal injection:
Drugs made him do it.

Anonymous said...

Dear Grits:

Here are some haiku about ex-DA Rosenthal:

Resigning his post,
Prosecutor exudes fear,
Like those he condemned.

Soft skin on keyboard
Taps private love notes to her;
Memory betrays.

Some men overdose
On fried chicken and melon,
Others on hubris.

Supreme Court case thrown,
He heads home to watch footage
of women disrobed.

White, conservative,
Jurors are peers to a few
And condemn the rest.


Anonymous said...

This is Chuck on drugs
Hope Chuck goes to prison soon
Not holding my breath

Anonymous said...

Hoo-rah, fiddle dee!
Down the 'ol drain goes Chucky
Who will fill his seat?