Thursday, July 26, 2007

Wow! It's quite possible I'd never get out

A Florida inmate had his jail time extended for masturbating in his cell, reports The Back Gate, which adds, "No, you'll get no jokes from us about the penal system, doing "hard time," Alexander behaving like a jerk, or how his lawyer failed to get him off."

MORE, see also "Justice went blind ...", via Deliberations. Racy Mind correctly observes that this may be the "first crime ever with a guaranteed 100% recidivism rate." And I thought a commenter at Doc Berman's shop raised a great point:

Reason #405 Why Some People Will Do Anything to Get Out of Jury Duty

Honestly, I can think of few things that would feel more like a waste of time than taking a day to sit in a jury box to see evidence, hear testimony, and ultimately decide whether a prison inmate did or didn't masturbate in view of the guards.
No kidding! Can you even imagine? I bet I'd be pretty unhappy when I figured out after many hours of waiting that that's what they'd brought me in to do.

20 comments:

Gideon said...

The jury must've been full of wankers.

Or not, actually.

Gritsforbreakfast said...

Should have seen that one coming. :)

Anonymous said...

That's really great, because everyone knows it's exceptionally wise to let inmates build up lots of sexual tension.

Anonymous said...

Watch out, u might get caught up in prison sting operation, Chris Hanson might ask what you were thinking about while pulling on it..

Vox Populi said...

OH MY GOD WHERE would they have him masturbate????????????????

If this story weren't from FL I would NOT believe it. Nope, I wouldn't .....

check out blast off bat shit crazy bowl no time for linking

sunray's wench said...

But dont you know that TX inmates can also get serious cases for doing the same thing?

Anonymous said...

I can't believe my eyes!

If what Sunray says is true, this is indeed "cruel and unusual punishment".

These are human beings we're writing about. There is a huge loss of privacy in prison but some accommodation must be made for basic human needs.

Anonymous said...

They do not file free world charges for killing it,it's a miner case in TDC.But if your body fluids get on someone, that being a CO it is a 3rd degree felony.

Gritsforbreakfast said...

How "minor" are the charges? Can you give a few more details (or an educated guess) on the consequences of such violations and how frequently they are enforced?

Gideon said...

Grits: Should have seen that one coming. :)

Apparently, the female CO did ;)

Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all night. Performing.

Vox Populi said...

Grits for Breakfast FLorida has gotten alot of mileage out of this post but I failed to link you in comments. Racy linked you cause she's PERFECT. No, she really is, all kidding aside.
I'll make up for the link and lack of credit real soon. thanks for the giggles
Meantime, this bodily fluids discussion is uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ........ kinda TMI LOL. But, ya never know when it will come in handy. dang when it comes to masturbation there's so few words that dont APPLY.

Anonymous said...

Miner charges in TDC for this are Recreation Restriction,Commansary Restriction,extra duty.Restriction last approx. 5 to 45 days.Depends on how many times you get caught.It's not like there trying to hide,most inmates let it hang out the bars for everyone to see.Extra duty is never enforced,Rec & Comm. mostly. But most of the officer's do not enforce the rule's.On the other hand I did see a female officer pull her gas out and she did gas him and she got 10 Days off without pay.Now that was will worth it she said. I thought it was funny,I guess he will keep his hot pecker in his pants now. As for how many get caught I have no clue but it is alot. Not all inmates are smart,and that goes for the officer's to.

Anonymous said...

Actually I think 9:02 describes "minor" charges. "Miner" charges involve tunneling.:)

Anonymous said...

Well, we have the "inside" scoop. Behind the walls at TDCJ, its a pretty regular thing.

Its like this. If you are making an attempt to be discreet, you wont get into trouble generally.

We all know that grown adults that are deprived from that being locked up for 20 years will do what they do.

The only time it is enforced is when a knuckle head pulls it out and says things like " hey, come check this out BIT_ _." which some do.

And like another commenter said. Its always usually minor punishment in any case.

www.thebackgate.com

sunray's wench said...

I guess it depends on who catches the inmate doing it and on which unit.

I wonder if it happens in Mississippi?
http://www.fcnetwork.org/reading/conjugal.html

outspoken woman said...

I was trying to help some poor smuck in the Tennessee Colony area because he kept getting case after case while in the prison library. Thinking this poor smuck was being targeted by library workers I finally spoke with a Captain to get some insight.

Seems this fella was known as a "Jack Master" on the unit. He has so many masturbation cases he qualified for the Who's Who's of well....you know! I had a good laugh and closed the file without feeling the need to investigate any farther. On especially difficult days my mind goes back to this case and I have a good laugh at the expense of the Jack Master of the ________ Unit!!

In TDCJ they can receive either a major or a minor case for this type of behavior. When the hang it outside the cell for the world to see the chances are pretty good for a major case. Since Texas had taken the stand to ban porn type visuals, many have resorted to using the female guards as an up close and personal visual. Considering the look of some of these female guards I am surprised they could even rise to the occasion!!

Loved this post... we all needed the laugh, so too speak.

Anonymous said...

Actually Grits, this goes the heart of the TYC problem. Youth who are caught masturbating even in the shower where they presumably have a couple minutes of privacy have been extended for months. The problem is that when you have dorm staff who understand an adolescent's need to masturbate, the boys are able to take care of business without consequence. If, however, you have a right wing conservative Christian fanatic who believes masturbation is a sin, the boys get hammered with Category 1 rule violations and waste away in the system until they can age out.

There were a lot of things I disagreed about in the TYC scandal/reorganization, but I have to say that this subject became the issue that caused me to believe the TYC system was fundamentally broken and needed some rather dramatic changes.

Treat people like animals and they will act like animals.

JT Barrie said...

Back in the "good ole daze" they used to provide inmates with saltpeter to curb those urges. I wonder why someone discontinued that practice? Maybe the likelihood of sexual abuse inside prison could be used as "leverage" to control them?

outspoken woman said...

jtbarrie......surely you jest. Are they supposed to force saltpeter down their throats? Few sexual assaults in prison are about sex, they are about the power it gives them over another human being. However, if we provide saltpeter to the male inmates we will need to provide it to the male guards that diddle around or rape the female prisoners, or in some cases the male prisoners. I think the term "limp dick" would then take on a new meaning. Sorry, Grits, couldn't pass that one up..oops...didn't mean to say up.

sunray's wench said...

Apparently they used to use Saltpeter and Bromide for that reason, but I've found no medical evidence to suggest it ever worked.

Anon @ 7.16 has a real point and not just with TYC either. It often amazes me that scripture can be used to deny and promote things randomly. I'm sure it says somewhere that a man should only lay with his wife (or words to that effect), and that marriage is an institution that no man may put asunder ~ unless of course, you make the rules at TDCJ.

Better set up a bigger budget for eye-glasses, boys.