Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Could Paris Hilton survive Texas probation?

"That's hot," one Texas prosecutor responded to news that Paris Hilton received a 36-month probated sentence for "alcohol-related" reckless driving. "Probation is hot."

Too hot, think prosecutors, for the heiress to successfully complete her probation requirements if she lived in Texas. (Her case was in Los Angeles.)

I'm curious as to readers' opinions on the following question posed at the District Attorneys user forum: Could Paris Hilton, survive her probation sentence under conditions routinely imposed in Texas?

The DAs don't think so.

An East Texas prosecutor said there's "No way she makes it. ... I'm assuming avoiding "injurious and vicious habits" is one of her conditions?" he wrote. "How will she go 36 months w/o a drink"? A colleague from Weatherford agreed, "I'm guessing we'll have a paparazzi picture of her with a drink within 36 hours."

Yet another suggested that prosecutors should have a "
running poll here for how long she will make it, assuming the basic Texas cop's that staying out of bars and not drinking are conditions of her probation. Who ever comes closest without going over wins. Robert has speculated 36 hours, I'll go for 7 days."

How long do you think Paris Hilton would last on probation in Texas?

Within these comments' subtext you can see why probation revocations are such a big cause of Texas prison overcrowding - many DAs request and Texas courts routinely grant probation conditions that are a) unreasonable on their face and b) have nothing to do with the crime committed. Drinking is legal. Drinking and driving is not (if you're over the legal limit). If a probationer drinks but does not drive, what's the harm? Why would that be a reasonable probation condition, especially for someone with enough money to hire chauffers 24-7?

Then all of a sudden, someone could have their probation revoked for an activity - in this case drinking alcohol - that's perfectly legal and wouldn't endanger anyone as long as the probationer didn't get behind the wheel.

Still, that observation aside, the prosecutors' comment string suggested several possible additional probation requirements that I think we could all agree on:
1. Defendant shall not star, appear or participate in any film or broadcast program within the genre popularly known as "reality TV."

2. Defendant shall not star, appear or participate in any film or broadcast program. Ever again.

3. Shall not record an album, attempt to record an album, or pretend to be a musician or vocalist, no matter how good your friend Brittany says you sing. She shall use a tiny portion of her vast, seemingly endless inheritance to buy up all remaining copies of her "musical" CD that remain in stores, wheresoever said CD's may be located.

4. She will immediately apologize to the readers of Rolling Stone for the fact that, somehow, inexplicably, her CD got a 3 star rating from an obviously tone deaf reviewer.
If the heiress would consent to those terms, I'd think it'd be worth shortening the probation length to time served. For the good of all.


Anonymous said...

What assholes, haven't you got anything better to do than bitch about some woman who never did anything to you?

Yeah, yeah, throw your little jibes, goes with your little minds. No wonder TX justice is in such a sorry condition if this is how the 'justice seeking' DA's think and talk.

Shame on all you bastards who pile on just because you think that it makes you cute. It doesn't. It shows that you are narrow minded sheep who'll follow the leader right over the cliff. Nothing more.

Anonymous said...

Scott, the only thing you wouldn't have her do is release her own porn on the internet. I like the way think.

Anonymous said...

_YOU_ think. And I do.

Anonymous said...

I'll put in my bid at 10 days before we see Paris with a drink in hand.

On the probation front, the conditions do seem strange. We assume, based on the probation conditions for DWIs, that when my hubby gets probation, he will not be allowed into any hardware store (his crime involved solvents) or any craft store, or into any kitchen (his crime also involved a knife), or to associate with any of the victims of the crime (his family). Gonna be a tough one for sure, but its a long way off yet....

Anonymous said...

5 days

Anonymous said...

Paris Hilton could survive in Bexar County! Seems most of the Judges can't control the Chief Probation Officer, Bill Fitzgerald so how would they be able to control "cute" Paris?

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

No one cares in Bexar County! Not the Judges, the DA or probation Chief Fitzgerald. Drinking is their past-time! Go to Fiesta or Heights Night in Alamo Heights and you'll see them drinking and then get into their cars, AND drive away. Again, WHO cares about a rich, naive girl from the Big Apple? Let her be, the probation department in Dallas County can probably take care of her. They don't have policy/Chief problems.

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Paris is legally stupid, should die!!! Her attitudes and action sucks!!!